The world and your life is ALL about yourself, embrace, and stick to your principles, don't care about other people.

Neih Hou, Namaste, Bievennue, Hello:

I usually blog when I feel depressed, sad, disappointed or angry.

By the rate I am blogging, you'll know that I am quite not in a good mood recently, although it's Chinese New Year...(Despite the amount of money I had received during this period......haha)

Today, I would like to talk about how you should always stick to your own principles, believe in your own thinking and embracing yourself.

Growing up in a family with 2 Asian parents, your behavior, manners and thinking is basically molded by your parents...Chinese parents are very particular with all of those mentioned.... like how you MUST finish your food on your plate although you are so bloated till the extend you can feel your tummy exploding, or how you must respect your elder family members, or how you should follow the Chinese customs...Sometimes, I feel that it is quite exhausting to be a Chinese kid. I had always admired how Americans raise their children. They tend to listen to their children's problems and care more on their children's feelings. For me, it is never easy to express my feelings to my parents. Whenever I do so, it will always turn into a big fight, you can just turn from sad to angry spontaneously... It's like WTF??!!It is like I am sad here and I need you to comfort me and now you are blaming me for being betrayed by your best friend or getting a getting terrible results in your exam. 

Once, I did confront them because that....Instead, they turn out to be the one freaking out, crying and saying that they are supposed to be the one complaining about their hardship because they are the one going through all the trouble providing for this ' high maintenance child'. 

Me: Mom, dad, you guys never listen to my feelings, you guys tend to blame me back and lecture me even though I am down.
Parents: Then did we complain about how suffering it is to provide for this family?????....( and drama begins, tears rolling.....)
Me: Sighs.....

Since young , my dad had never been very bonded to this family...He's quite dogmatic and stubborn. I didn't like him very much as a child, now as well. My family had been through many low times mainly because of him... The marriage between my mom and dad has never been stable..but it lasted till today because we tolerated,,..but it had made me a very depressed kid....

It is like the world revolves around him. For example, he can change everything you'd planned for the day because he will DECIDE for you what he thinks you must do today. He's quite a baby, if you don't listen to him or obey him, he will keep it as vengeance and he can remember it for years, seriously. Once, my mom changed the furniture in the house without his consultation/ agreement. ( He works overseas.) My dad never tells you what he thinks, every time you ask him about his opinion, he will just keep quiet, as if he had agreed with what you said. However, if you'd done what you think he has agreed but he actually opposes, you will have a bad YEAR facing him.

My dad is a very a very " Bossy man". he always says, " Do what I say, don't do what I do". This pretty much covered him from all his mistakes. Besides, you must also DO what he says, seriously....You will find it very annoying because what he always wants is you to become the person he wants you to be....which is the "Perfect Son".

My dad lives abroad, he works there, and it has been years....He only sees me during big festivals like Chinese New Year or Mid Autumn Festival......etc.....It is normal if he doesn't understand me or the family...
In his mind, I am the son who is self centered, uncaring, does not care for the family, not matured and only lies within the piles of books in his room...I have been in many of those situation where he asks me to sit down and talks to me about caring for the family......( I don't like to talk about that, it makes me even more depressed). I am always this boy that never grows up, that day, he even asks me whether I could change a fluorescent tube or not... Gosh! During these years you have been away, I have grown, matured and learnt things, just that you have not seen it before....

It is okay, because I believe what I am capable of. I don't have to tell anybody, because I believe action speaks louder that words. I always smile when he lectures me, because deep down inside me, I know I am a far much better person, I don't have to prove that to anybody.

Many people said this before, " Be Yourself ". But the message I am trying to deliver here is not just being your true self, but to remind yourself that what you are capable of and you don't have to prove that to anybody because deep down in your heart you know you CAN. Smile, when people criticize you. By doing this, you prove them wrong and you make them look stupid, too! Always believe that your principles are correct because you are who you are, nobody can tell you who you need to be like or how you should behave. Everybody is born unique and with different personalities, and because of that, this world is revolving, growing, and colourful.

Don't just be yourself, but embrace yourself, knowing yourself is the most important thing because the people around you will always try to mold you into somebody else.

Signing off,
Jason Lee

Sometimes, your dreams are just so near yet so far....

Neih Hou, Hello, Bievennue, Namaste:

This year, is a decision making year to me, which path to take after graduating from high school. Having both Asian parents, making your own decision is not a thing that you are 'allowed' to do.

I remember, when I was  young, people would ask me what would I be when I grow up. I used to have no direct answer to that question. I believe that " all roads lead to Rome", that means you can succeed in any field, as long as you put in maximum effort and passion. Well, I think that that particular question " what do you want to be when you grow up ?" is just a question...well, that simply builds you a castle in the sky. Sometimes, a dream is just a dream, you might want to live in that particular way, but people might just unable to see your vision.

Why do I not have an ambition since I was a kid? Well, to be frank, I was exposed to almost all the fields, such as music, literature, art....etc...(I would like to play sports, but my health does not let me to do so.) I don't seem to have a thing that I like the most.

 Inspired by many great entrepreneurs recently, namely Steve Jobs, Sergey Brin, Larry Page, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Cameron Johnson....I just have the urge to study business, in Harvard Business School. Well, it seems like something too big and just a fantasy to a commoner like me...

I tried to explain to my parents that business is my passion, and I would like to be a somebody someday. However, my parents think that business is just a very common thing and is categorized as a 'desperate option', and I could just drop out of school right now and become a businessman , what for Harvard Business School and expensive fee?

Having great education is good but achieving your dream is even huge! Why do I say so? Simple! This is because we only live once...

I know asking for something like Harvard for Business is just...well..too much...under the circumstances of my family...they just simply can't compromise...

I want to study in the US, in an Ivy League, I want to invent the next Google or Microsoft or even Facebook. It is not about the quality of education, no doubt that the quality of education of the Ivy League is top notch, but the main thing here is about achieving the American dream, although I am not an American, I want to be inspired, I would like to meet great people that will inspire me. Look at Mark Zuckerberg, without the help of Eduardo Saverin, he would not have enough capital to start Facebook. That is the thing I am talking about, meeting great people, together holding hands towards success.

Parents, I do understand it is your effort to earn a living for your family and it is your children's responsibility to do what you want. All parents in this world hopes that their children are obedient...However, it is not your business to interfere with your children's dream. Let your children lead their dreams, because chances aren't always there and it is important that choices are never regretted.

Please parents, let your children's dream run wild, because life is only once, and when decision is made, there is no turning back.

Signing off,
Jason Lee

31st of December 2010. Time to think back.

Hello, Neih hou, Bonjour, Namaste, Bievennue,

      My, my, time really flies. In a glimpse of an eye, it is now the end of another year. This is the despair of of life, life is like a brief candle, time travels so fast that you don't realize that it has come to an end of a certain chapter. As for me, I had a pretty fucked up year in 2010, I don't even know what I had accomplished and done good, everything seemed to be a mess to me. 

      Have you ever feel so lazy and everything seemed so unimportant till the extend that you procrastinate everything till the very end? I'm scared to hell, I really am. I had never felt this lazy before, I had never done things in the last minute, I had never felt this tired and unenergized before. Since young, I had taken my personal excellence for granted. I was great in everything you name it, except for sports( I hate sports)...Until this year, everything had gone down hill due to my slackness.

     I needed to change, but I simply don't have the willpower to do so. I need a friend that can help me, but admit it,  everybody is too busy for themselves. I don't feel like a perfect person anymore, my skills are deteriorating. My language is rotten. My Chinese Language seemed so unfamiliar, My English grammar and vocabulary is rusting and evaporating day by day, My Malay Language is getting stranger. (And I can sense that the comment area is gonna be filled with " Everybody is not perfect" comments) 

     I have gotten to know that my health is not in tip top condition after the blood test. My liver and my blood have problems. My mom is freaking out after the results were back. Eventually, my haemoglobin is too small and my bile duct is too narrow. That means I will get a " Mild Asthma" after a short distance run. Other people might be running for a longer distance and not feel a thing. But as for me, a round or two is hell. About my bile duct, it is narrower than anybody. That means my liver can't process all the toxins and fats like normal people, it carries out the process in a "ZEN" manner. 

     After the blood test, my mom has been treating me like a cancer/ AIDS patient, like I am about to die soon. She prohibits me from eating salty, preserved, oily and sweet (UNHEALTHY) food. Come on! I don't want to live like an old person , for goodness' sake. The doctor said I can't eat those food regularly, not cannot eat all. WTF)*#_$@)_$)_!@*)@!&)#.

      What did you guys plan for 2011? What are you looking forward to?

Signing off,

Jason Von Lee

As lazy as always.

I hate shells.

Hello, Neih hou, Bonjour, Namaste, Bievennue,

                                                                          

        Wow, two posts in less than 24 hours, couldn't believe myself, as usual , I am still slacking and delaying my tasks and surfing the net. (kinda became my habit this year, I know its bad).( if you don't see why I wrote in less than 24 hours, read the ending first).

        Since form 4, I somehow understands what elder people say, that the society is complicated and very harsh. Before that, I somehow just think that going out to the society is just working and earning money, and it turned out that I was wrong, very wrong, very very wrong.

      

        In form 4, you get to be elected as committee or a club, society or uniform body. Like always, I get to be elected to hold some high positions, which I am kinda worried because I am very busy and unorganized, as you know( if you read my previous post, I am kinda in a tornado-mode). 

        Like my parents always say, there are many kinds of people in the society,Demons, Ignorant, Foolish-er, Make you say WTF- er, and many more. Of course, they will also be people who are Good Samaritans and helps you when you have troubles. However, people who can do work are getting lesser and lesser.

       As a leader, you must plan, organize, lead and do whatever it takes to keep your organization going. Of course, this is not a one man show, a good leader must work with good armies and fight with powerful weapons. Problems start when you don't have good armies and powerful weapons, how are you going to fight?

      What I went through myself this year is, that the younger generations these days are not thinking maturely and acting like they really know a lot. During club and society meetings, I can see that they are trying their best to look professional, so what? What pisses me off is, they tend to give empty ideas and love beating around the bush. For example, it is time to contribute some ideas for making an event successful and special. Then these people will be like giving ideas such as: we must do well, we must do better than last year, we should not remake the mistake like last year. 

Dear readers,

Do you think those are ideas? Do the ideas even help?  

Just imagine having this kind of ideas throughout the whole meeting, I wonder whether there will be an even to be held or not.

Another kind of people that really irritates me is, there are these leaders in the society that I really doubt have what it takes to be a leader. They just love to mess up everything. For example, I am a treasurer (treasurer's job is always related to money ,right?Of course you have to agree, if not I chop your head off! Just kidding........ kinda.)I was in this meeting for an event, and I nearly go off like a nuclear bomb. It was beyond my expectations, asking a treasurer to decorate the notice board and do stuffs like crafts. Are you also feeling the WTFness? I was already in bad mood before the meeting started, the chairman claimed that he or she had 'informED' every committee member to attend the meeting, but turned out it was just 4 of us, out of like a million members! And not just nobody turned up, the chairman was also in another meeting for a camp at the same venue. So, we were like waiting for an hour like idiots doing nothing till she finally came over to our table when I strutted over to their table and asked  him or her to come over. He or she informed us to arrive at 2pm, but the meeting somehow started at 3pm. How can a leader can be so unpunctual? 

One more thing, I also hate those people who assume that people can accept what his or her's interest. I am one of the editors for a magazine in my school and I am in-charge of computer editing and design. As a loyal reader to many magazines such as reader's digest, Calibre, Expat, August, National Geographic and whatever else, I know what a magazine should have or include in its spread. There was this geek who loves sci- fi and nerdy things such as those black hole, bermuda triangle, nobel prize article...blah. He assumes that what he likes will also be the interest of other people. Let me make it simple, he just puts inappropriate contents in an inappropriate magazine, Just like talking about fashion in Discovery Channel magazine, you get my idea right?

There are too much to be hated in this world, I just cant finish them just in one blog post.

A word from Jason, 

Know your capabilities, don't be an empty shell.A no brainer leader will only ruin the day.

P/S this post is supposed to be posted the next day I posted "Problems, Problems Everywhere" but somehow delayed.

Problems Problems Everywhere.

 Hello, Neih hou, Bonjour, Namaste, Bievennue,

        It has been so long since I have last blogged. You know, secondary school life is not the same anymore after you have step foot into the path of higher secondary, which is form 4. As a student who treats exams as a piece of cake (since PMR was so easy and I was getting like 80 and above for everything), I never expected form 4 to be such havoc. It was a choice between science- accounting class and pure science class, but considering the fact of not risking biology (since I don't know what I really want to do in the future, so I kept biology as my choice considering the fact maybe medical is one of the options when I am desperate). However, accounting has also had me beating around the bush, choosing between these two options (I assumed that I am kinda good in doing business because I love to sell things and negotiating).

        Back to the main topic, life has been a total mess to me this year. I have always believed that my grades are good and I have a happy life because I know how to plan my time wisely. It turned out that I was wrong because, this year, it was a battle between me and piles of undone homework, responsibilities, revision, stress, fatigue, tuition, club and society and uniform body. Studying in the morning session was a wise thing to do, I thought last year.(With all the time left during the afternoon, you can simply do whatever you want.) And obviously, I was wrong again! Waking up 5a.m in the morning is already a tough challenge, because I have only had 7 hours of sleep compared to last year I had 12 hours! After school, I have tuition at the city centre (quite a distance from school, have to get on a half an hour bus trip to get there). After tuition, it is normally already late evening, another tiring and cramp Light Rail Transit back to my housing area. By the time I was home, the fatigue and hunger is already killing me. Plus the fact of undone homework, I simply can't resist the sensation of sleepiness, gloomily crawling into my comfortable and warm bed.Basically, I have tuitions on Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday. Theory class, Aural class and Music class on Friday and Sunday. Lastly, private Additional Mathematics tuition at my house at Thursday night. See, my schedule are basically jammed with all these tuitions and classes! 

       

 During my days in Form 3, going to tuition classes was 'The Way' to get really outstanding grades. Things are opposite now, I felt that they are kinda a waste of time, I wonder it's my fault or the teachers'. Just imagine with all these activities going on, how do I clear my homework , do my revision and have time for other things. One more problem is, I am getting very lazy, I just don't know why. Once I am back from the school, my brain will automatically send a signal to my arms and legs and march towards the computer with my school uniform still on (usually happens when I come back for a bath before I go to tuition, sometimes I do not go to tuition straight from school). I drag everything till night and nothing is ever done! Today's work got dragged to the next day and the work next day got dragged to the day after tomorrow!It's not just homework, even when exam comes, I wait till the eleventh hour to do my revision!I remember I studied for Math exam 5 minutes before it started and the  marks are just 'Marvelous'.

Please, I need help!

I don't know where this laziness come from, whether its from my family, from me, or from my friends that are also like that. I was a student with second ranking in the whole Form 3 and now I can't even enter top 5 in my class ranking, what a disgrace!

Sometimes, I just don't dare to look the mirror, because I am ashamed of myself. I wonder what I am, I feel like a total mess!

Watching TV series everyday for hours and not even flipping a page in my homework, what am I doing?!

And there is a friend that I suspect is giving me all these negative qualities and I wanted to get- rid of him or her so that I can be free! Just that getting- rid of a friend is not as easy as you might think it is.

A word from Jason, do not mix with friends that are ' Eggs-gone rotten' because they simply affect you, very slowly and dreadfully.

Signing off,

Jason V. Lee

I am being independent, too independent.

Hello, Neih hou, Bonjour, Namaste, Bievennue,

It has been 9 days since I have last posted, or should I say 10 or more days. I know, I am getting very reluctant to blog, I don't know why, just the feeling of abandoning the blog is coming back again.However, I don't want that to happen again.As we know, the holidays are here again, that is why I am lack of ideas for posting, because there aren't any people to be pissed off.

I can say, I am a very ' Dare to Complain' person, nobody gets in to my way when I want to complain or to know about certain things. For somebody out there, who constantly hide in the shadows of my blog and spying what I am up to, I advise you to give up, because there aren't any more shit cake sold here in Spill It Sanctuary Cafe. ROFLMAO.

Okay, back to the main topic - I am being too independent, or is it normal? 

One thing you need to know about me is that, since I was born, I was raised by an indonesian maid, till I was 7 years old, when she didn't return from Indonesia. I was at the airport waiting for her for the whole day, from the morning till the evening. On the way home, my eyes was filled with tears , knowing that I will miss her a lot. Well, to be frank, my maid is a very good friend to me. However, having a maid made me very depend on her too much. Even when I want a cup of plain water, I will ask her to take it for me. Very lazy, eh? But we really had good days together. When I was in kindergarten, she is the one who walked me back home everyday. On the way, she would ask me what I had learnt in class, she would hold my hands through that narrow wooden plank walking through that dangerous and deep drain. Yes, I do miss her a lot.

Knowing the fact that she is no longer in service, I cant sleep and eat for months. No, I am not exaggerating, I do miss her a lot. However, this is not the reason to not be normal again. 

My family is a busy family, my mom and dad works from morning till the evening and my sister has tuition classes after school. So how? What do I eat during holidays? Since then, I developed this skill many young people didn't have , which is cooking. Since I was a child, I started boiling water with wild grass, I knew I had a passion in cooking, but I just simply don't have the skill to do that.My first meal was reheating Canned Chicken Curry. It was delicious though it was canned food. Haha. I remember, I was the one who prepared food for my sister and I during the holidays. The food we ate during the holidays were only white rice with canned curry chicken.( My sister was 15 years of age that time). Wow, a 7 year old child cooking for a teenager.It was amazing.

However, having canned food was not a very healthy solution. So, I started learning cooking from the basics, the first ' Real Food' that I had learnt to cook was fried eggs. Hmm, fried eggs at 7 years old, Not Bad! Some friends of mine don't even know how to fry an egg!Although it wasn't a very fancy meal, it was my solution for hunger for the whole holiday season. Just an ordinary egg, but enough to fill my stomach, warm my heart. :D

Time past quickly, here I am now!I can now cook meals for many! From oriental to western, no problem! Well, the main thing I want to deliver is not ' How Well Jason Cooks' but to give a message that Jason is being too independent! Well the main concern is I am missing all the fun people are having. I will give you examples of me missing all the fun!

In parties, people would play games, enjoying all the joy and happiness. But me, I will feel myself being  rejected, I don't know why, people didn't say I am not welcomed, they invited me here! So, I simply step out from the crowd and watch them having fun from another corner.To be frank, I didn't feel that I was missing the fun, but I feel very safe that I was by myself. 

                                                              

Another very odd character about me is to do all the work myself. Well, you can ask my friends who had been in the same group with me, they know it and they were having a great time in my group, because they know that I will take all the tough work and do the job flawlessly.All the projects and group works(Not to say all, but mostly), from presentation to folios, I did it all by myself. Surprisingly, I can always finish them in a day or two perfectly.(Which others take weeks to finish it) . Well, I am a very weird person, I don't want to split the work to other people, because I know many don't know what I want. Even though sometimes I am not the group leader, even I don't have the authority to give orders, I insisted of doing the whole group work alone! I don't mine sharing my hard work with other people, even they didn't give a single effort!Because I want to show off my amazing work, I want to let people know that I can do it all by myself, but with brilliant results!

I know, I will miss a lot of fun and miss a lot of opportunity to make friends with my character like this. Yes, I had experienced it before, that is why I hate to go to camps, I can't make friends by myself! I am just simply too shy to talk to people! Even when people talk to me, I can't come up with random stuffs to talk about. Just how embarrassing it is to have a cold conversation?!

Yes, I know I refer myself as a perfectionist. Yes, I am a perfectionist and I want things to be perfect! But knowing that people can't be perfect,I had to sugarcoat everything on me that is not flawless.That is why you think that I am rich, I am good in studies, I am good in English. Blah. Whatever.

Well, I can't say being too independent is a bad thing, but I can't say it is a good thing either. I like being who I am now, but I know, with my character like this, I won't go far in the society. That is why I need a change!

Some words from me,

Know what are your flaws,

dare to admit it,

because that is how you get people to help you  change them.

Kakak, 

I don't blame you for making me like that,

and I do miss you.
Kakak,
Although you serve me steamed chicken and carrot porridge everyday,
I stil enjoy your home-cooked meal from day to day,
I didn't complain a single day.

Kakak, 

Where are you now? 

I hate the way you left me behind,

but I have to say,

Thanks for making me who I am today.

Kakak, I miss you.

Signing off heartwarmingly, 

Jason Lee

OMFG! Where Is The Cake ??!!!!

I know somebody out there is reading my blog without my notification, and then making it an issue. When I mean somebody, I mean a larger scale of people. BTW, what is the concern actually? I have my unsatisfactory and I write about it. What did I do wrong? I dunno, it's up to you to answer this question.

Haha, too bad, if you are here to get some more ' Shit Cake' and ' Brilliant Decisions', well, you are too late! Let me tell you, if you printed out some ' Shit Cake' to eat , let me advise you, don't eat it! It's stale, its poisonous!

Well, what are you going to do? Lets wait and see!