Neih Hou, Namaste, Bievennue, Hello:
I usually blog when I feel depressed, sad, disappointed or angry.
By the rate I am blogging, you'll know that I am quite not in a good mood recently, although it's Chinese New Year...(Despite the amount of money I had received during this period......haha)
Today, I would like to talk about how you should always stick to your own principles, believe in your own thinking and embracing yourself.
Growing up in a family with 2 Asian parents, your behavior, manners and thinking is basically molded by your parents...Chinese parents are very particular with all of those mentioned.... like how you MUST finish your food on your plate although you are so bloated till the extend you can feel your tummy exploding, or how you must respect your elder family members, or how you should follow the Chinese customs...Sometimes, I feel that it is quite exhausting to be a Chinese kid. I had always admired how Americans raise their children. They tend to listen to their children's problems and care more on their children's feelings. For me, it is never easy to express my feelings to my parents. Whenever I do so, it will always turn into a big fight, you can just turn from sad to angry spontaneously... It's like WTF??!!It is like I am sad here and I need you to comfort me and now you are blaming me for being betrayed by your best friend or getting a getting terrible results in your exam.
Once, I did confront them because that....Instead, they turn out to be the one freaking out, crying and saying that they are supposed to be the one complaining about their hardship because they are the one going through all the trouble providing for this ' high maintenance child'.
Me: Mom, dad, you guys never listen to my feelings, you guys tend to blame me back and lecture me even though I am down.Since young , my dad had never been very bonded to this family...He's quite dogmatic and stubborn. I didn't like him very much as a child, now as well. My family had been through many low times mainly because of him... The marriage between my mom and dad has never been stable..but it lasted till today because we tolerated,,..but it had made me a very depressed kid....
Parents: Then did we complain about how suffering it is to provide for this family?????....( and drama begins, tears rolling.....)
It is like the world revolves around him. For example, he can change everything you'd planned for the day because he will DECIDE for you what he thinks you must do today. He's quite a baby, if you don't listen to him or obey him, he will keep it as vengeance and he can remember it for years, seriously. Once, my mom changed the furniture in the house without his consultation/ agreement. ( He works overseas.) My dad never tells you what he thinks, every time you ask him about his opinion, he will just keep quiet, as if he had agreed with what you said. However, if you'd done what you think he has agreed but he actually opposes, you will have a bad YEAR facing him.
My dad is a very a very " Bossy man". he always says, " Do what I say, don't do what I do". This pretty much covered him from all his mistakes. Besides, you must also DO what he says, seriously....You will find it very annoying because what he always wants is you to become the person he wants you to be....which is the "Perfect Son".
My dad lives abroad, he works there, and it has been years....He only sees me during big festivals like Chinese New Year or Mid Autumn Festival......etc.....It is normal if he doesn't understand me or the family...
In his mind, I am the son who is self centered, uncaring, does not care for the family, not matured and only lies within the piles of books in his room...I have been in many of those situation where he asks me to sit down and talks to me about caring for the family......( I don't like to talk about that, it makes me even more depressed). I am always this boy that never grows up, that day, he even asks me whether I could change a fluorescent tube or not... Gosh! During these years you have been away, I have grown, matured and learnt things, just that you have not seen it before....
It is okay, because I believe what I am capable of. I don't have to tell anybody, because I believe action speaks louder that words. I always smile when he lectures me, because deep down inside me, I know I am a far much better person, I don't have to prove that to anybody.
Many people said this before, " Be Yourself ". But the message I am trying to deliver here is not just being your true self, but to remind yourself that what you are capable of and you don't have to prove that to anybody because deep down in your heart you know you CAN. Smile, when people criticize you. By doing this, you prove them wrong and you make them look stupid, too! Always believe that your principles are correct because you are who you are, nobody can tell you who you need to be like or how you should behave. Everybody is born unique and with different personalities, and because of that, this world is revolving, growing, and colourful.
Don't just be yourself, but embrace yourself, knowing yourself is the most important thing because the people around you will always try to mold you into somebody else.