I am being independent, too independent.

Hello, Neih hou, Bonjour, Namaste, Bievennue,

It has been 9 days since I have last posted, or should I say 10 or more days. I know, I am getting very reluctant to blog, I don't know why, just the feeling of abandoning the blog is coming back again.However, I don't want that to happen again.As we know, the holidays are here again, that is why I am lack of ideas for posting, because there aren't any people to be pissed off.

I can say, I am a very ' Dare to Complain' person, nobody gets in to my way when I want to complain or to know about certain things. For somebody out there, who constantly hide in the shadows of my blog and spying what I am up to, I advise you to give up, because there aren't any more shit cake sold here in Spill It Sanctuary Cafe. ROFLMAO.

Okay, back to the main topic - I am being too independent, or is it normal? 

One thing you need to know about me is that, since I was born, I was raised by an indonesian maid, till I was 7 years old, when she didn't return from Indonesia. I was at the airport waiting for her for the whole day, from the morning till the evening. On the way home, my eyes was filled with tears , knowing that I will miss her a lot. Well, to be frank, my maid is a very good friend to me. However, having a maid made me very depend on her too much. Even when I want a cup of plain water, I will ask her to take it for me. Very lazy, eh? But we really had good days together. When I was in kindergarten, she is the one who walked me back home everyday. On the way, she would ask me what I had learnt in class, she would hold my hands through that narrow wooden plank walking through that dangerous and deep drain. Yes, I do miss her a lot.

Knowing the fact that she is no longer in service, I cant sleep and eat for months. No, I am not exaggerating, I do miss her a lot. However, this is not the reason to not be normal again. 

My family is a busy family, my mom and dad works from morning till the evening and my sister has tuition classes after school. So how? What do I eat during holidays? Since then, I developed this skill many young people didn't have , which is cooking. Since I was a child, I started boiling water with wild grass, I knew I had a passion in cooking, but I just simply don't have the skill to do that.My first meal was reheating Canned Chicken Curry. It was delicious though it was canned food. Haha. I remember, I was the one who prepared food for my sister and I during the holidays. The food we ate during the holidays were only white rice with canned curry chicken.( My sister was 15 years of age that time). Wow, a 7 year old child cooking for a teenager.It was amazing.

However, having canned food was not a very healthy solution. So, I started learning cooking from the basics, the first ' Real Food' that I had learnt to cook was fried eggs. Hmm, fried eggs at 7 years old, Not Bad! Some friends of mine don't even know how to fry an egg!Although it wasn't a very fancy meal, it was my solution for hunger for the whole holiday season. Just an ordinary egg, but enough to fill my stomach, warm my heart. :D

Time past quickly, here I am now!I can now cook meals for many! From oriental to western, no problem! Well, the main thing I want to deliver is not ' How Well Jason Cooks' but to give a message that Jason is being too independent! Well the main concern is I am missing all the fun people are having. I will give you examples of me missing all the fun!

In parties, people would play games, enjoying all the joy and happiness. But me, I will feel myself being  rejected, I don't know why, people didn't say I am not welcomed, they invited me here! So, I simply step out from the crowd and watch them having fun from another corner.To be frank, I didn't feel that I was missing the fun, but I feel very safe that I was by myself. 

                                                              

Another very odd character about me is to do all the work myself. Well, you can ask my friends who had been in the same group with me, they know it and they were having a great time in my group, because they know that I will take all the tough work and do the job flawlessly.All the projects and group works(Not to say all, but mostly), from presentation to folios, I did it all by myself. Surprisingly, I can always finish them in a day or two perfectly.(Which others take weeks to finish it) . Well, I am a very weird person, I don't want to split the work to other people, because I know many don't know what I want. Even though sometimes I am not the group leader, even I don't have the authority to give orders, I insisted of doing the whole group work alone! I don't mine sharing my hard work with other people, even they didn't give a single effort!Because I want to show off my amazing work, I want to let people know that I can do it all by myself, but with brilliant results!

I know, I will miss a lot of fun and miss a lot of opportunity to make friends with my character like this. Yes, I had experienced it before, that is why I hate to go to camps, I can't make friends by myself! I am just simply too shy to talk to people! Even when people talk to me, I can't come up with random stuffs to talk about. Just how embarrassing it is to have a cold conversation?!

Yes, I know I refer myself as a perfectionist. Yes, I am a perfectionist and I want things to be perfect! But knowing that people can't be perfect,I had to sugarcoat everything on me that is not flawless.That is why you think that I am rich, I am good in studies, I am good in English. Blah. Whatever.

Well, I can't say being too independent is a bad thing, but I can't say it is a good thing either. I like being who I am now, but I know, with my character like this, I won't go far in the society. That is why I need a change!

Some words from me,

Know what are your flaws,

dare to admit it,

because that is how you get people to help you  change them.

Kakak, 

I don't blame you for making me like that,

and I do miss you.
Kakak,
Although you serve me steamed chicken and carrot porridge everyday,
I stil enjoy your home-cooked meal from day to day,
I didn't complain a single day.

Kakak, 

Where are you now? 

I hate the way you left me behind,

but I have to say,

Thanks for making me who I am today.

Kakak, I miss you.

Signing off heartwarmingly, 

Jason Lee